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Possibly the deepest human need is the need to feel appreciated.

– Psychologist William James

One trend I have noticed lately is a growing number of couples identifying an emotional affair as the main cause for coming to counseling. For those who are unfamiliar, an emotional affair is any infidelity that does not involve physical touch with a third party. If you are saying to yourself “how can it be cheating if no one touches anyone else?” you have something in common with a number of my clients. However, even if that line is never crossed it is still possible to damage the relationship just as significantly as if there had been a physical affair.

Emotional affairs often take place electronically via social networking, texting, or phone conversations. A wife who finds a husband sharing a romantic relationship online with a woman he has never been in the same city with will feel the sting of infidelity. A husband who discovers that his wife is the main topic for gossip hounds in her office due to her daily private lunches, regular closed door meetings, and frequent shoulder rubs from the man in the office she seems just a little too close to will tell a couple’s counselor that trust is a big issue in his marriage. Does this mean that having friendly relationships online or with coworkers is wrong? Only if there is any part of the relationship, communication, or activities you share with the third party that your spouse doesn’t know about. The simplest test is secrecy. If you hide it from your spouse, then it’s probably detrimental to your marriage.

The question of how we went from being in love with our spouse to seeking emotional fulfillment outside of our marriages is complex and unique to each couple. However, the pattern I have seen most often is that one person will feel unappreciated by their spouse for so long that they eventually rationalize it is necessary to develop an emotional connection with someone new because their spouse isn’t interested in them anymore. When confronted with this in counseling I often hear some version of the following statement: “I do still love him/her, it just seems like nothing I say/do was ever enough so I stopped trying.” This is a strong indicator to me that the couple’s problems are based in the way they do (and don’t) show love to each other. While work has to be done to heal the foundational cracks left by the emotional affair, the solution to the root cause is readily available in the form of a book I often recommend to anyone who is or ever plans to be married. The Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman, explains how and why people need to express and receive love in different ways. When we receive love from our spouse in the way we most need it we feel a sense of emotional fulfillment. When we show our love to our spouse in the way they desire we ensure they feel appreciated, cared for, and are emotionally connected to us.

Is this a guarantee against an emotional affair? No, it isn’t, but I believe someone who feels strongly connected to, emotionally fulfilled by, and completely in love with their spouse would have little interest in trying to develop that kind of relationship with someone else.

http://www.5lovelanguages.com

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icon David M.

Bryan is an expert who understands how to break down and get to the root of an issue, and his strategies and approach were immensely helpful for my family. Above all, he truly cares about his patients and helps them. I cannot recommend him highly enough!

icon Lauren C.

I highly recommend Bryan for individual and couples therapy. He always made me feel comfortable and I felt like I could be myself which is super important when going to counseling.

icon Alan B.

In my time in Florida, I had the opportunity to work alongside Bryan in helping families and I believe him to be of high integrity and care with his patients. He demonstrates great knowledge of what each client needs and doesn't just care about the psychology behind the issues the clients face, but deeply cares about the patients. Long-term health is always the goal Bryan seeks to attain for each client. There are few counselors who care about their patients the way Bryan does. I would, and have, recommend him to any family or individual struggling with the issues life brings.

icon Tessa L.

I met with Bryan for about 8 months. I began meeting with him individually (for about 5 months) and for the final 3 months, my partner and I went together. We cannot be any more emphatic when we say that our experience with Bryan was wonderful.

Bryan demonstrates a superb level of care and commitment to his clients. He fosters an environment of openness, honesty, and acceptance that allows clients to confront their flaws and limitations in order to heal and make changes for the better. It is clear that Bryan is in this profession for all the right reasons and is gifted as a counselor. I would strongly recommend him to anyone.

Thank you Bryan!

icon Brett L.

To put it simply Bryan is a superstar! Yes, he is an excellent therapist...I have several family members and friends who have been referred to him, and he is absolutely wonderful. He has and uses a Christian foundation with his counseling and has a calm, pleasant demeanor that puts his patients at ease. He is insightful with his approach to therapy and I would recommend him to any colleague, friend, or patient without reservation.

icon Ashley M.

I started working with Bryan 7 months prior to writing this review. I went alone in hopes that he could help with some relationship issues I was unable to solve on my own. Bryan has been nothing short of a miracle in my life. My story is still being written, but I look forward to my appointments with him. He is calm, kind-hearted, and genuinely wants me to succeed. He looks at every angle and gives guidance/suggestions that only betters my situation. Bryan is extremely intelligent and knows how to help people. Better than that he enjoys helping people. I will continue to refer him to anyone and everyone. True companionate people are not just hard to find but he does with the intent of actually building his patients up. I can not say enough great things about him, and strongly recommend him to anyone in need.

icon Maria F.

My husband and I met with Bryan for about 5 months. The time and money we spent were without a doubt, one of the very best investments we have made for our marriage. The care and commitment with which Bryan treats his clients are outstanding. He patiently, kindly, and honestly helps clients understand situations or wounds with clarity to which he offers sound and concrete steps towards healing. Bryan helped my husband and I to grow as individuals as well as together as a couple, and our marriage was strengthened tremendously.

After our marriage counseling concluded, I continued to meet with Bryan individually for about 3 months. Bryan helped me to understand my need for a better relationship with God which sent me on a journey that completely changed my life. I continue to live with the same struggles (from an incurable medical issue) yet I no longer suffer from the debilitating depression it used to cause me. I will never be able to adequately thank Bryan for the gift his counseling gave me and my marriage.

I would highly recommend Bryan to anyone.

Thank you, Bryan!

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